"Work-Life Unbalance"- And My Quest To Get It Right.

I would like to have a talk with the person who coined the phrase "work-life balance". This is a conversation that needs to be had, in-person, with no distractions as I pick apart all the holes in this theory of modern-day Utopia. Whoever you are, Mr, -I-Am-Selling-You-Guaranteed-Disappointment, this theory of Work-Life balanced needs to be banished from our conversations and firmly re-categorized as an urban legend.

Here are the facts:

• 66% of full-time employees in America do not have a work-life balance.

• 60% of employees blame their bosses for work-life imbalance.

• An astonishing 84% of freelancers are happy with their lifestyle.

• Spending more than 55 hours a week at work increases the risk of anxiety and depression.

• 40% of employees use their devices for work outside business hours.

• Salaried employees do 26% of the work outside working hours.

• Mobile technology enables flexible working for 52.59% of employees.

• 35.5% of knowledge workers check their emails every 3 minutes.

• A total of 40.1% of the workday is spent multitasking.

• A whopping 69% of employees want flexible work schedules.

66% of full-time employees in America do not have a work-life balance.

Just like Shakira's hips, numbers don't lie. This number is exasperated by the intensity of remote working and the inability to delineate office hours from home hours. To add insult to injury working parents are thrust into the arena of carving out space to be ad hoc educators. This is a suffocating experience for the best of us parents. And I would be remiss if I did not mention the mounting strangleholds that keep us in a frenzy of inbalance. A listless economy, isolation, political misinformation, job loss, and a decrease in socialization balance are elusive for the strongest of us.

For me, it has become an exercise in emotional agility to get through my days. I once prided myself on my strength to prioritize and organize. With tactical precision, I would map out a week's activities on a whiteboard and would use it as a reminder of the checks I needed to cross off my to-do list. Upon completion of these prioritized tasks, I would allow myself time for self-care, socialization, and sleep.

In my current state, I am lucky to smoosh into my schedule the luxury of reading a book or magazine. I feel like I have won the lottery if I am able to manage 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. This need for creating a work-life utopia has resulted in more google searches, hours behind the computer, and more confusion. This endless quest searching for work-life balance has led me on a path of more inblanace. Ironic huh?

What can you do to create an equilibrium in your life?

The key to understanding "balance" in your life is to perfect equilibrium. What is Equilibrium? Equilibrium suggests the maintenance of balance. In other words, don't let the highs get too high, and don't let the lows get too low. Your ability to bounce back, using emotional agility will bring a sense of calm to your life.

What is emotional agility?

Emotional agility is one’s ability to face their thoughts, emotions, and events in a manner that doesn’t steer them in negative ways, but instead inspires them to show the best of themselves. This is important because if we take the time to recognize our feelings before reacting to them, we’re able to do so in a way that matches up with our values, and in a way that reflects our best, most authentic selves.

I stand firmly on the belief that a work-life balance is fed to us by corporate America on their marketing mission to make us feel bad about our lives. If we feel bad about our lives, we will buy their products. These products are cast into clutter-filled, chaotic environments as a band-aid to make us feel better for a fleeting moment. The true bandaid to heal our angst-filled days is to use emotional agility when tossed piles of unexpected work on our laps. The ability to confront the negatives thrown in our way with clarity gives us the power of perspective to not let our lows get too low.

PRACTICAL TIPS FROM THE COACH

1. Take it slow. Give yourself breathing room to collect your thoughts. Give yourself grace-it is ok not to be perfect.

2. Understand your priorities and write them down. Make sure you are touching each priority daily. For example, self-care, read a chapter of a book, finish a work-project, pay bills, plant a garden, dinner with a partner (the list goes on and on).

3. Understand your values. Are your daily actions in alignment with your values? If you value family time but are only able to squeeze in 20 minutes a day with your child, your actions are not in alignment with your values.

4. Get a reality check. When you are uber-focused on your shortcomings, take time to break away and see how others are dealing with the pressures of creating a work-life balance. Join a group of like-minded people that share this experience. Chances are you are doing pretty good.

5. Talk to someone outside of your immediate sphere of influence. When you speak to an unbiased observer-their clarity can be the wake-up call you are craving.

Here is a random sampling from clients on how they deal with chaos:

You Got This--

Coach Jules

✨If you missed our Dream Catcher Challenge I have posted it on my site for a limited time. 100% free and 100% mindshifts included.

Regain Your Composure With Confidence- In 7 Steps.

For most of us- cynicism and polarized opinions are triggering these days. If you are a CEO of a Fortune 500 company or the CEO of your domestic experience- everyone touches upon high-conflict experiences. When things are good the whole world radiates beauty. When we are at our best, we shine a bright light upon all around us that is contagious. However, when we are confronted with bitter confrontation, the ability to snap back and get back to life is a muscle not easily flexed.

I am not a doom and gloom, glass- is- half-empty person. Rather I fancy myself the purveyor of cultivating the bright side in most situations. I interact with so many people each week and I intentionally manage to keep my energy levels high. And this ability to curate a high vibrational energy is purposeful. After all, who wants to listen to a malaise-infused coach?

Reality Check:

Things do get bad. For me. Reality hits me hard, in particular, when I am absorbed in a triggering conflict and then transition into a coaching call that demands the peak performer from myself.

When I logged onto a coaching call earlier this week, I was mentally dealing with the collateral damage of an emotionally charged conversation. This fury-infused conversation left me in a puddle of self-doubt. I did not know how I was going to actively engage in a positive coaching conversation, provide leadership, and create a space for innovative thinking. I was seduced with an exit plan--perhaps I cancel the appointment? (Which I have never ever done but would provide instant relief).

After the acidic altercation earlier in the day, I was knee-deep in monkey brain. I tried, to access my best self and put my proverbial coaching cap on. With earnest, I forced myself to block the processing of the intense conversation. I felt deflated and began doubting myself in every capacity. And yet, I had to be in fighting form in 10 minutes. My next client was scheduled to meet with me-in 10 short minutes, while I continued to vacillate between self-pity and anger, How can I possibly serve my coaching client in the manner they deserve in this frame of mind?

What is the answer?

I want to say that the answer is as simple as putting on your favorite outfit, looking in the mirror, and telling yourself that “You Got This”! Instead, I found these practical ways to help me through momentary angst.

These 7 tips brought my mindset back to peak performing and focus on what was important.

1. Just Do It. It is as simple as the Nike tagline. Take a deep breath, focus on the task at hand, and dive into your assignment. Tackling a different challenge takes the edge off the confrontation at hand. Procrastination and avoidance add to the weight of your stress. Muster up your game face, take a deep breath and just do it.

2. Leave Your Garbage At The Door. With intention, compartmentalize your stressful situation and leave it at the door. I am not suggesting forget about it, but put it aside for a moment and compartmentalize the two experiences. Actively participate in what you need to do now and choose to unwrap the stressful experience thereafter. Time and perspective can be great tools in working through confrontation.

3. Focus On What Really Is Important. Scale your stressful situation. In the big picture, how important is the issue to you? Was this a monumental altercation that will shift your path or was it simply, a blip on the radar?

4. Accept responsibility and don’t ignore your part in the situation. Quickly assess your responsibility in the stressful event. Take ownership in your contribution.

5. Spend five minutes outside and take a sensory bath. Change your scenery. This is a powerful tool that can alter your brain chemistry and give you the grounding needed to perform at a level of excellence. If you take five minutes prior to your meeting, walk outside, close your eyes and utilize your five senses. Listen to the breeze rustling in the trees. Feel the cold snap of air envelop your face. Smell the fresh, clean air as it invigorates your body. Taste the electricity of the outdoors. These five minutes will wash your brain of the intensity of the conflict.

6. Write down your grievances and refer to them at a later time. Nothing is more soul-purifying than writing it down. Take a minute to scrawl down a laundry list of stressors. Write with fury and write with passion. Then walk away. Feel the cleanse.

7. Ask the universe to guide you in your purpose and then surrender. Let the universe take the reigns. Surrender friends. The act of surrendering to what is-will remove the heavy burden you carry. We are not in control of other’s actions-so the act of subconsciously trying to navigate situations is depleting. Surrender and trust that the universe will course correct.

I continually strive to strike a chord of resonance in your life. Send me a note and let me know how I can address your challenges in my next blog.

You got this- Jules

3 Reasons I am Obsessed with the Enneagram-and Why You Should Be Too. (see the test below).

The Enneagram has changed my life. This is a rather profound statement, but it is 100% accurate. It has changed how I look at every relationship in my life both personal and professional. The Enneagram is always in my back pocket when I coach, as it accurately guides me in conversations and allows me insight that no other tool provides. The Enneagram deepens your self-awareness, helping you recognize why you do what you do and how to get out of your own way. It strengthens your relationships, by providing you with a greater understanding of another’s perspective and how to find common ground. It also illuminates a path for growth, enabling you to make more conscious choices in line with your authentic self.

So what the heck is the Enneagram?

The Enneagram is a personality assessment that facilitates a deeper understanding of how you operate when you are at your "best self" and when you are at your "not-so-best self". The enneagram itself has been around for thousands of years and was used as a guide to determine what sin you were most likely to commit. Not until the past 50 years was the cloak of personal assessment nuanced into the enneagram.

We are all born with our type (parents- rest assured that you cannot parent your children to be a certain type). We are born with a sprinkling of our type and develop it as we grow. When we are met with trauma in our lives, we often revert to our worst selves, but as we grow and liberate we come closer to aligning our actions and thoughts with our best-selves. Use the Enneagram as a guide to walk you through your journey. Give the Enneagram at try, I promise you it will be illuminating. (See my go-to Enneagram test below, that is absolutely free).

The Three Reasons I am Obsessed With The Enneagram:

1. The Enneagram made me feel, well, normal. I always knew I was a bit different than most of my peers. My mom always told me I had a "joie de vie" unlike no other. (She meant, I had a zest for life, and took it to another level). I would try anything. Fly to Asia at aged 21 for a year (pre-cellphone), sure why not? Enroll in law school at aged 27 because I intrinsically knew I was meant for more? Let's do this baby! Have four boys? Sounds like a plan. You get the picture. I was never met with fear when tackling a new idea. And my ideas-if you know me --you know I can't stop the flow of inspiration. My husband always warns people, don't plant a seed with Julie, she will run with it! I just kept doing and doing and I never knew anyone quite like myself. Then I met The Enneagram. And I was happy to find out that, there was actually a description of myself at the end of the test. Post-Enneagram test, I was met with a typology that described me to a tee.

I am the Enneagram Type 7.

If you wanted to know more about me- here you go:

Core Fear:

• Being deprived, trapped in emotional pain, limited, or bored; missing out on something fun.

Core Desire:

• Being happy, fully satisfied, and content.

Core Weakness:

• Gluttony—feeling a great emptiness inside and having an insatiable desire to “fill themselves up” with experiences and stimulation in hopes of feeling completely satisfied and content.

Core Longing (message 7's longs to hear):

• “You will be taken care of.”

7s Are Enthusiastic Cheerleaders and say More Is Better

2. I became a believer in the Enneagram and it's great wisdom when I started using this assessment in my coaching program. After a client took the test, I would explain to them their type. During the conversation, I would be captivated by the look in their eyes. My clients are often captivated as I reveal the nuances of their type. And THE LOOK. The looks on their faces often appear to be stunned, as though I had uncovered a secret. They would respond with, "how did you know this about me"? And they question me as though I harnessed psychic abilities. The simple truth is found in the Enneagram. It has nothing to do with my ability to read their minds. Or so they think.

3. The third reason I have become the biggest Enneagram groupie of all times is that it helps me be a more empathetic human. The profound understanding that we are put on this earth with a certain "type" allows me to navigate relationships in a deeper way. If I have a friend who is quirky, intelligent, and feels misunderstood, I know they are navigating this life through a different filter (and-most-likey a 5 on the Enneagram). I have a compassionate understanding of the complex tapestry that makes us all unique and the Enneagram fosters deeper growth in this self-education.

4. Ok-- I said I had three top reasons why I am obsessed with this brilliant assessment. And as a 7-I have one more. It is a great party game. Take it to your holiday gathering (or non-gathering covid style) and administer the Enneagram. It is a fun way to get to know all the personalities around you. It is a facilitator of connection. It is fun to see faces light up just because they are feeling understood.

Enneagram Resources: My Top Picks

Take the Test For Free:

https://www.truity.com/test/enneagram-personality-test

Enneapp: Have the Enneagram in Your Back Pocket (Literally)

https://enneaapp.com/

Take a Course on The Enneagram To Learn More:

https://www.udemy.com/course/enneagram/